Jesus, the Church, and the Mission

Who is Jesus? When this question is personalized, it becomes the most important question we could ever be asked or answer. Who do you say Jesus Christ is? (Mark 8:27-29). Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly" (John 10:10, NRSV). In 1 John 5:11-13 we are told that if we have the son in our life we can know that we have eternal life. Jesus is the only way for us to live an abundant life here on earth, or receive eternal life in fellowship with God. Jesus died on the cross to take the punishment for our sins so that we could be sinless in the eyes of God. He has invited us to see him for who he is and to see the amazing qualities and personality he has, so that we would want to be with him. He came for the purpose of destroying the Devils’ work by overcoming the world and its evil. He died and rose so sin could no longer be our master, but him. Jesus brings peace, joy, and clarity of vision. He wants us to know him and be free. Jesus shows us what salvation looks like; the power of God to heal and to make new, which is present in all his words and actions. In his death, Jesus accomplished salvation at the cross. In his resurrection, Jesus opens the door to new creation. In Jesus the kingdom of God had come.
The Gospels narrate the story of Jesus. Jesus began his ministry in Galilee and there reveals the coming kingdom of God in himself. As he draws more followers he draws the attention of the Jewish leaders in Jerusalem. He then goes to Jerusalem itself, where he is arrested, brought to trial, and crucified. So few Christians today understand what is known as the “kingdom,” which was at the heart of Jesus’ ministry. The Jews understood the coming of the kingdom of God with expectation that soon God was going to act in love, wrath, and great power, renewing his creation and restoring his reign over the whole world. They were looking for a kingdom in which Israel would be suddenly and forcibly delivered from the control of pagan Rome. Jesus turned the Jewish expectation upside down. He did not come to destroy their enemies, but save and love them. He also performed miracles, healing and restoring the lost, the sick, the possessed, and the dead; and not just amongst the Jews, but the Gentiles. Jesus broke the mold of expectation. He was/is God’s chosen one, appointed to lead God’s kingdom into new creation. Christians today often do exactly what the Jews did; they try to mold Jesus into their image instead of allowing him to conform their lives to that of his.
The earthly life, death, and resurrection of Jesus is the climax of biblical history. Jesus' life is to be our example of how to live. His death was the ultimate sacrifice; taking upon himself the judgment of the world. He did for the sins of all so they would not have to. His resurrection began God's renewal of creation, including the physical bodies of men and women. Therefore, whoever believes in Jesus will live and share in his resurrection. Those who believe then discover their great commission, which is to carry out the task Jesus began. Bringing all peoples to him; making disciples of all nations. Before Jesus ascended into heaven he left his disciples the gift of the Holy Spirit. “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, because he abides with you, and he will be in you” (NRSV, John 14:15-17). “The kingdom banquet is ready to be enjoyed, but it does not begin just yet. More peoples must first be gathered to the banquet table so that they too may taste of the renewing power of the coming age. This in-between time, after Jesus’ first coming and before he comes again, is a time of mission for the exalted Christ, the Spirit, and the church” (BG, 171).
The church of Israel was called to bring all peoples back to God. I have always wondered why the Israelites were chosen to be God’s people and if there was anything in the Old Testament that could be used in missions today. In today’s world, religion and the Christian mission is a private matter and is seen as hostile and disruptive to society. That is why it is necessary for us as Christians to know and understand the basis on which the Christian mission rests. Missions began with a man named Abraham. Through him, God blessed all nations, “I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing” (Gen. 12). Out of all the nations they were chosen to be God’s own treasured possession! But election is not just for privilege: it is for service, for the sake of all the nations. What then is the blessing with which all the nations were to be blessed? In a world, it is the blessing of salvation. Through the Israelites and no other, God worked to rid his creation of the evil that had distorted it since the sin of Adam. Israel was to be the example, showing God’s character and how being in a covenant with God changes a people to the rest of the world. As the Israelites obeyed God, they demonstrated what life under God’s reign looked like. They were to be an example of God’s original creational intention for human life. And the lives that the Israelites lead were to be so rich that others would be drawn to live just as they did. God chose a people to bring up in His character and ways, but they did not exactly make the cut. It was Jesus who had to come and die and be an example for all who wanted to be in proper relationship with God, and those who choose to live in obedience are to finish God’s mission.
The story of the Gospels and Acts did not end with Jesus’ ascension or Paul’s missions work in Rome; Jesus and Acts are very much alive today! The Holy Spirit so active in Acts is the same Holy Spirit that is currently at work in the church today. The church today is sometimes persecuted, ridiculed, or even ignored, and often needs encouragement. The book of Acts reminds us that despite modern challenges the church can be alive and well. It shows that revival and church growth comes not by human effort, but through the power of the Holy Spirit. The church was both grounded in Scripture and alive to the Spirit. In Acts the church is not only a gift of God and Spirit, but also a demanding practice of holiness and new life. At this time the church was in need of being rediscovered and transformed, which is also needed today. To have a church like the one of the early churches is a challenge, but it is worth the advancement of Christ’s message and we must disturb and delight the world to do it. It is obvious that the church today is separated from the early church by many centuries, so the world has changed and the circumstances and culture in which we live is different in many ways from what existed in the first century. In Acts the church was just getting started and now it has become an established institution, so it seems unrealistic that we could return to the early ways of the church, but it’s not. The people then and now are brought together by numerous components: a common need, a common fate, a common love or loyalty, a common hope. This is the living Spirit of God, what leads us forth into the new and highest levels of that life which is intended for us.
The calling of the modern day Acts church is stated in Acts 1:8. This verse foreshadows everything that happens in Acts even beyond its ending in Rome. The task then and the task today are to be witnesses of Jesus’ death and resurrection. This does not just mean sharing stories of transformation or faith, but to be Christ’s witnesses is to bring forward into our own time and place the truth of the gospel. Just as Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John took the gospel and teachings of Jesus and brought it to their time and communities, so must we, the church, bear witness to what God has done and is doing through Jesus, to the healing and grace he has brought, and to his victory over death, so we can live out God’s dream for our lives. Also to fulfill this mission one does not have to go far there are people in need all around us. Peter and the other disciples did not start their mission in a far off land they started it right in their own community and among God’s own people, Jerusalem. This is my challenge and what I will take into my studies in becoming a missionary.
Christians should live in regard to witnessing to the world with “imagination and creativity” (BG, 199). Jesus did not set up a rigid plan for action but, rather, inspired his disciples to extend the reason of his own action in a creative way amid the new and different historical circumstances in which the community would have to share the gospel of the kingdom in word and action. “If we speak and act with innovation, we will carry out our task creatively and imaginatively in the new cultural and historical situations to which God leads us” (BG, 200).
While witness characterizes the meaning of this time period in God’s story, their zealousness can be misinterpreted. One might reduce mission or witness to evangelism or cross-cultural missions, this limits God and the mission. Bartholomew and Goheen say, “that when we grasp that the salvation of the kingdom restores the creation, and all of it, we see that witness to God’s kingdom is as wide as creation” (201). Witness will then mean personifying God’s renewing power in politics and citizenship, economics and business, education and scholarship, family and neighborhood, media and art, and leisure and play. We cannot just carry evangelism in these areas of our lives, again that is not enough. We must live out these things; we live as citizens, consumers, students, friends, etc. A broad mission should be central to our meaning.
One may think it’s rare (especially a non-Christian) to hear of Christians who truly care about the environment. However, the biblical story make it clear that “God deeply love the nonhuman creation and has made humankind it’s guardians and stewards” (BG, 204). When Jesus can to renew creation that did not just include humans it included everything, animals and plants alike.
Who is Jesus? Is he this image you try to fit into you mold to look how you want him to? Or are you allowing him to conform your life to look like his? We know who Jesus is through the study of scripture, obedience, understanding what his kingdom is, knowing his passion for missions, and seeing the beauty in all creation. Christ died and rose to renew all things, which is the greatest truth I have come to believe.

What God has done in my life: In 1 minute

I was recently asked the question, what would I say God has done in my life if I only had one minute to tell my story and what verse would represent what He has done?

My answer is simple. The Lord did not take me out of my state of depression, but brought me peace and comfort that transformed me.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:4-7

One Man's Vision is Another Man's Hope

Business and civic leader, Bill Greehey watched a documentary on San Antonio’s homelessness that aired on a local television station in December of 2005. Inspired to transform and save the lives of San Antonio’s homeless, Bill Greehey worked closely with Mayor Phil Hardberger and other city leaders such as Councilwoman Patti Radle and former Mayor Ed Garza’s Council to End Homelessness.

In 2006, because of one man’s changed heart, Haven for Hope was officially established as a 501c private organization. Eighteen months of research around the U.S. and over 200 shelters later, Haven for Hope’s vision was born. The Capital Campaign and the 15 buildings that are located on 37 acres west of downtown San Antonio were completed in early 2010.

By April of 2010, the very first members moved onto the Campus. Currently the Transformational Campus provides housing and programming to over 900 men, women and children. Prospects Courtyard, an area of safe sleeping for the chronic homeless population, sleeps approximately 500 men and women per night.

Haven for Hope will begin construction on Phase II, “The Terraces at Haven,” a 150 unit supportive housing complex, during the 3rd quarter of 2011 with expected completion in 2013.

Haven for Hope is a private non-profit organization dedicated to transforming and saving the lives of homeless men, women, and children by addressing the root causes of homelessness through job training, education, and behavioral health services.

• On any given night there will be roughly 1600 individuals residing on the Haven for Hope Campus.
• 25,000 people in San Antonio experience homelessness during each year in San Antonio.
• Between 3,500 and 4,500 individuals experience homelessness each night in San
• Antonio.
• 25% of the homeless are children, half of which are under age 5.
• Family homelessness in Texas has increased 15.9% since 2008.
• 23% of the homeless are Veterans.
• 60% of the homeless experience severe substance abuse and/or mental illness.

At my last visit to the homeless shelter I was able to speak with some of the men and women there. When asked "How has Haven for Hope impacted you?" They would all say something along the lines of without Haven for Hope I probably wouldn't be where I am; I may not be alive; I wouldn't of been able to get off the streets; and some people said that Haven for Hope didn't do anything that they did it all on their own. Every life that comes through Haven for Hope has a story waiting to be told to anyone that will listen. I am glad I was allowed to open my ears to them and I pray that anyone who reads this will open their ears and eyes to things that are often unseen and when they are seen nothing is done. No matter who you are you can make a difference just by listening to someone's story and sharing it so others may be moved to make a difference. 

Turning a "Weakness" Into Strength

I have always been a very sensitive person; crying whenever my emotions are pushed and having a broken heart whenever I face devastation, whether it is my own or not. I grew up thinking this was a bad thing, that I was only a "cry baby" and needed to be different. What I now know today is that those who called me cry baby were wrong about me. My sensitivity is my greatest strength!

Yes, with age I have matured and have learned how to control my emotions for the most part, but I now know that having a sensitive heart means that I have a compassionate heart. I have a great passion for people. When they are hurting, I hurt. When their hearts are broken, mine is broken. When all seems to be lost, I cry with them, but I also have the strength to encourage them when the crying is done. I see people with the eyes of Christ. God does not enjoy seeing his people hurting, broken, and lost. IT BREAKS HIS HEART!!! I pray that you run to Him when you are in need because He is a God of comfort and peace.

I know with all of my heart that my sensitivity, matured is compassion. Compassion is my spiritual gift and I am now learning, studying, and practicing how to use it and strengthen it, so it will be, and only be, used for God's Glory. I am excited to see how God uses my compassion to further his kingdom. Bring on the tears and brokenness!

San Antonio Happenings

Y'all, soda, short trees, weird grass, no rain, brick/stone houses, sweet tea, and Mexican and BBQ galore. This is Texas. Above are just some things I have noticed about this place I have been living for 17 days and I love it! It has definitely been an adventure and an experience so far. The most unexpected thing that has happened is getting to go to Joplin, MO on a short missions trip this coming Monday through Saturday.

My internship consists of (so far) planning and organizing events, folding and stuffing letters, sermon notes, blogging, youth group, homeless shelter, and Sunday activities. Some of these experiences have been easy, some have been hard; some of them have been boring and some exciting and/or moving; some have been good and others not the best; and finally some I am really excited to be a part of and others not so much. I have seen beauty in the scenery and people and I have seen pain and heartbreak in the lost and homeless. These past 17 days have stretched me. I have learned new things, tried new things, and have experienced new things. I cannot wait to see what opportunities to grow are in store for me next! I am ready for a changed life and to change lives!

Growing in the Spirit

“Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.” –Acts 2:38-39

Growing up in the church I always heard God referred to as the Trinity, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit, but I never really understood the role of the Holy Spirit. I knew that he was God that he lived in my heart when I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, but I did not know what that meant or what I was supposed to do with him. Though the Spirit lived in me, he seemed to be the most distant and mysterious role of God, but Jesus even said in Scripture that it is better to have the Spirit here with us then to have the physical presence of Him (Jesus). “But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you” (John 16:7). This is how I have grown spiritually over the past year through the taking of a book study in Acts, learning about the role of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is my counselor and guide, my intercessor and my strength. He fills me, empowers me, compels me, works through me, leads me, and encourages me. I can do anything with the power of the Spirit in me. I can be bold though I am naturally timid. I can be heard even though I am naturally quiet. I can change the world in big ways even though I am small. The power that the Holy Spirit gives me has changed my life. He is no longer a mystery to me.

“But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:26-27).

While here in San Antonio I have been able to see the Holy Spirit’s power work through me, which ultimately I have seen effect on others. I have spent a lot more time in prayer this summer asking for more boldness, guidance when making decisions, and encouragement when things get hard. He has been my constant friend these past few weeks and I am excited to see how else and where else I will be used by the Holy Spirit this summer and throughout the rest of my life. I have become more open to being used. Knowing this power has changed my outlook on life.

Reaching and Equipping Across the Land

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work"

2 Timothy 3: 16-17

What is my ministry?

I feel called to be a part of overseas missions. Last summer I spent two weeks in Papua New Guinea. While there a missionary shared with me about people groups along the Sepik River and off the coast that are still unreached. Many of them are unreached because they are such small groups that nobody will take the time to reach out to them. Their reasoning is usually one of two things: the language is dying or will die out or the people group will die out because they don't often exceed 500 people. It is not worth all the time and effort it takes to translate an entire language when there are so few people. There is no voice or language who's cry is not heard by the Lord and I will not ignore it either.

This broke my heart! These people need to know who Jesus is to and maybe the Lord is calling me to reach out to these people because they had an effect on me for a reason. Maybe this is my ministry...or maybe it will be somewhere else, but I do know that God has called me to follow his direction and that he will keep my path straight. Also, as long as I follow his command it will not go the wrong way. God is all-knowing, so His directions are always right.

The Hunt for Scavengers

Saturday, River City set up a scavenger hunt for the youth. In the past I have done other scavenger hunts and they were not good experiences so I was not exactly looking forward to it, but this one was fun (and it's not because my team was one of the teams to win haha!). It was overall just a good experience and gave me time to get to know a few of the young people better. We had fun with it and we were all competitive too so that helped us win I think. It was just an overall good experience and I am looking forward to working more with the youth because at first I was really timid, but not so much anymore I don't feel. Also, I am excited to get plugged in to a small  group with the youth so I can connect on a deeper level with some of them.

Haven for Hope: Showing Christ to the Homeless, Disabled, and the Needy

"There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore, I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land." 

Deuteronomy 15:11

Volunteering at Haven for Hope was incredible. It is hard to describe how incredibly touched I was by the workers and the hundreds of homeless people; all with a story to tell. Friday, May 20, 2011, Haven for Hope fed 471 people. This was a record number of people for them and it was quite overwhelming, but everyone was fed and I feel as if the hot food miraculously multiplied because even though the lady serving was scraping the bottom of the one pot of chili we had there always seemed to be a generous portion served on each plate. I had never seen anything like what I did that evening, it was amazing! Some of those people have been homeless for three or more years and others it may have been recent. It is sad when leaders like, Jerry S. could address people by name because they have been coming there for so long and were dependent on the food from there; sometimes that would be their only meal a day. The worst was seeing elderly and handicapped there, those people should be taken care of without having to beg for it; they can't work or make a living in the types of conditions they were in. It was so heartbreaking. I cannot even imagine living a life like some of those people have to, but Haven for Hope has brought many of them incredible opportunity to turn their lives around. Haven for Hope has given them a place to stay, get a warm meal, and a chance to find hope that can change their life and that  hope is Jesus Christ! 

I spent the entire evening crying and even as I type this, recalling all that I have seen, even though it's been 5 days since I have been there, I am crying. It just makes me so incredibly grateful for all that I have and the life that I have. God had been very good to my family and I. I am excited to return because it has already changed my life and I am sure it will change even more. 

God, you love each and every person on this earth and I know that you are watching over them. God please protect the thousands (possibly millions) of people in this world that suffer from lack of food, shelter, clean water, and medicine. God you have a plan for their lives; bring them hope and guide them to make the right choices. Direct your disciples to generously give up a little of what they have to people in these situations because some of them cannot get out without the help of others. Give me strength for when I return and let your spirit guide me. You are a merciful and loving God. Thank you for never changing and always bringing hope. I love you Jesus! Amen.

The Ministry of Reconciliation

 "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation." 

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

What is ministry? 

Everything; new direction and purpose; and most importantly, there is no longer focus on self but on Jesus Christ. Whether it is at school, work, to our next door neighbor, or to a cashier at the grocery store, our life can and should be a ministry. Because we are part of a purpose and a process we should be looking more like Christ all the time, but this process is not finished until after our earthly lives, it must continue on until after death. When we become a believer we should be radically changed--turned inside out and upside down, and ever since we broke it, God has been reestablishing our relationship with him because he loves us. God sent Jesus Christ to die for our sins, making it possible for us to be his friends again. In one sense, reconciliation is already done; in another sense it is necessary to tell people about it. Both are part of the ministry of reconciliation. This is truth and what  ministry should be based on; the reconciliation of Jesus Christ.

Since becoming a believer, we know what it is to fear the Lord, so we try to persuade people. It is important to give people the opportunity to take pride in what is in the heart, rather than pride in what is seen instead of trying to commend them. Maybe we are out of our minds, but "it is for the sake of God" (2 Cor. 5:13). Christ's love compels us because we are convinced that he died for all, and therefore those who believe have died. We should no longer focus on our self but on Jesus Christ because of this truth. We are Christ's ambassadors! Let every aspect of our lives be a ministry to others and this will happen when we allow God to totally consume our life.

Overwhelmed by a Relentless God

"For the Spirit that God has given us does not make us timid; instead, his Spirit fills us with power, love, and self-control."

2 Timothy 1:7

I am struggling to let go, one hand is still holding onto control. My prayer for this summer has been Proverbs 3, which calls me to ask the Lord to grant me favor in His sight and the sight of man, that through my life He would further His kingdom and purpose in heaven and on earth, and I do not want to be timid about anything or I may miss my chance of being used for His purpose. The only way to lose this timidness of mine is to allow God's Spirit to fill me completely and take over because without Him I can do nothing. Without Him I won't make much of a difference. Unless I let the Spirit in and I am open to being used, I will not be used. His work will get done some other way and I do not want to miss my chance this summer. I am in love with Christ too much to give up this opportunity to be stretched and grow. I want to be crazy in love so people just know through my actions and my words that Christ is before me every step of the way. 

Most of us know that we are supposed to love and fear God; that we are supposed to read our Bibles and pray so that we can get to know Him better; that we are supposed to worship Him with our lives. But actually living it out is challenging.I often forget that God is everything and in control. I do not always feel like loving Him, talking to Him, listening to Him. This may sound "un-Christian" but it's true. So I need to remind myself of some things that I think we should all remind of ourselves of everyday: that God is Holy; God is eternal; God is all knowing; God is all powerful; and that God is fair and just. 

God's Guiding Hand

On Friday, April 15, 2011, a few of my classmates from World Religious Movements and myself went to a Hindu and Buddhist temple. I have never experienced anything like it. It was life-changing and eye-opening to see two of the religions we had been studying about come alive and experience them first hand.

Before entering the temples are shoes had to be removed. The first thing you notice when you walk in is the strong scent of incense that is almost unbearable. As we were walking up the stairs to the Hindu temple we could hear the sound of chanting and bells. A family was having a ceremony, kind of like a dedication, for a child. They were saying prayers, burning incense, and offering food to a god or gods. There were many monks and priests present washing the bodies of the gods (idols). There were also many women preparing flowers for the celebration of the god's (Rama) birthday the following day. You could feel the presence of something dark there and after leaving I felt as if I was coming down with something.

After eating and resting in the van for a little bit on our way to the Buddhist temple I felt a bit better. We arrived at the temple 45 minutes early or so, so we decided to check out a few nearby cathedrals. The first cathedral we entered was actually a monastery for practicing monks, who pray seven times a day and only speak at meal times. The time we had arrived the monks were finishing up their noon prayers and the sound of their voices reverberating and echoing throughout the cathedral domes was absolutely gorgeous. I was speechless. After they finished up and left the sanctuary one of them came over to talk with us. He told us a little bit about the monastery and invited us to come back again, but before he left he asked that the door latch behind us, which was a little weird. But we weren't supposed to be in there.

The other cathedral we stopped at was a Polish Roman Catholic Church. It was absolutely beautiful and the organist was their practicing for the Easter service, and the sound of him playing echoed throughout the domes as well. It was beautiful. We were welcomed there as well and were allowed to take photographs, but before leaving he asked that the door lock behind us just as the monk had asked earlier. I guess we weren't supposed to be in there either, but somehow God opened the doors for us. We were all glad He did because are spirits were lifted and we were ready to face the darkness inside the Buddhist temple.

For the first part of our visit at the Buddhist temple we sat on the floor talking with a Buddhist nun. Several times she tried to get us to say a chant with her and was proselytizing us; it was very frustrating. It was very interesting to hear her story and learn more about a Buddhists beliefs from a personal standpoint. When we were done talking with her she took on a tour of the building. (Now to the whole point of me writing this). She took us up into a back room were there was a shrine for some sort of demon God. The spiritual oppression in that room was strong I thought I was going to be sick and pass out. I don't really even know what was said while we were up there. All I knew was that I wanted to get out of there. I have never felt physically oppressed by the spirits and it was a scary feel. I don't understand how she can be at peace while worshiping something so evil. I was happy to leave.

Overall, it was an eye-opening experience and I am glad I went, but I feel sorry for the many souls that are lost in the darkness of false religion.

Earlier the next week, Dr. Eby (World Religious Movements prof) held his weekly Bible study with students on campus. He had shared about the trip with the students and when he was finished a girl said to him, "so you were the ones." Dr. Eby was like what? The girl explained to him that during the middle of her chemistry class someone asked to stop class a pray for our class because they had a few friends on the trip. We are not sure what they prayed for, but they prayed around the time the doors to those two cathedrals opened for us and when the the nun was trying to proselytize us. WOW! This is totally a God thing! God knew where we were and what was happening! He definitely came through for our class! I am excited that I was able to be a part of it!

I Choose to Follow

I will follow you wherever you go, but first pay off my college debt, and then I will do what you have called me to do. That is my dilemma.

Having total dependence on God is a scary thing. I try to work hard to pay for college, but at the same time I feel drawn to any ministry opportunity that comes my way. For awhile now I have felt as if a fire is burning inside of me ready to catch others afire for Christ. I have found and know my love and passion is to serve the one who's sandals I am unworthy to untie (Acts 13:25). But my fire and passion is slowly being stomped out by the shadow of debt hovering over my head.

How am I going to pay off college debt? I don't know! I have given my life, body, heart, mind, and soul to Christ, which has revealed to me a vision to do work for His kingdom through ministry. People in ministry don't really make money they raise money and are totally dependent on God. I can do nothing about my calling, I cannot change my desire, I will not lose heart, and somehow, I don't know how, but my debt will be paid.

My life is not my life. It is completely in the hands of the Father. He has everything under control and that's all I need to know. I was not created to please man but God. It has been hard though, since I am stuck in the middle of God's will and the possibility of disappointing people I love. The obvious choice is to follow God...

And that is what I am going to have to do. I choose to follow.

True Love

The past is strange isn’t it? So much of what you want to remember fades like a dream and the stuff you don’t want to remember can hang on for a lifetime. The memories of past guilt and shame chase you, and just when you think you have outrun them, they come knocking at the door ready to taunt, condemn, and remind you of your failures.

Sometimes I wonder if I have spoiled God’s plan for me. After 2 difficult breakups, I grew bitter towards God and rebelled against Him. But today I am absolutely sure of His love for me and that I am forgiven. The Cross has freed me from the guilt and punishment of my past. It is at the Cross I have seen the depths of my depravity and the height of God’s amazing love for me. I have witnessed His terrifying wrath, but also His unspeakable mercy and love for me as a sinner. Because of the Cross, I am absolutely sure of God’s love for me and His complete forgiveness of my past sins. Because of the Cross I can confess my past sin and I have found someone who truly accepts me for who I am, even my imperfections.

This someone is Jay. He makes me want to be a better person every day and he helps me to become one through encouragement and prayer. I thought I knew what I wanted but God gave me more than I could have imagined in this one man. Jay and I are in a place together where we are constantly growing closer to each other and we are learning how to better serve each other and our God through our relationship. I am so thankful of the amazing love God has shown me so that I can show it to others around me. I want to show this more, not just to Jay, but everyone.

I am in love with my Savior! I want to love those who hate me and those who can never love me back.  I desire to be so obsessed with Jesus that I will not be consumed with personal safety and comfort. I care more about God's Kingdom coming to Earth than my own life being shielded from pain or distress. I desire to be so obsessed that I am more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. I want to do things that won't always make sense. I know that the sin of pride is always a battle. I know that I can never be humble enough, so I want to make Christ more known. I do not consider service a burden; I take joy in loving God by loving his people. I want to be so obsessed that I orient my life around eternity; not fixed only on what is here in front of me. I want to be characterized by committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being. I want to be raw with God; He is my safe place where I am at peace. I have an intimate relationship with Him. I am nourished by God's word. True joy does not depend on circumstances or environment; it is a gift that must be chosen and cultivated, a gift that ultimately comes from God. The best thing that I can do is be faithful to my Savior in every aspect of life. I revel in my role as a child and friend of God.

Revival?

Revival: A restoration to use, acceptance, activity, or vigor after a period of passionate speaking and/or testimony. When I think about revival the last place I would think about it happening is Bethel College. We are a Christian college by definition and everyone here already believes in Jesus and is crazy about him, right? Well, no. There are so many broken people on this campus and it is okay for Christians to be broken or far from God. It took me a long time to understand that Christians are not perfect just like everyone else. Today I was reminded of that, but also reminded that God is healer, power, Father, rescuer, friend, and he there in the beginning of our lives until the end. 


Today students at Bethel have experienced healing (physical and spiritual), growth, rededication, love, and some have given their lives to Christ for the very first time. No one was worried about missing class, in those moments the only thing that mattered was Christ. It was so awesome!!! God is doing some amazing things in my life and the lives of many students on campus and I am excited to see where He takes us. Today is God's day and everyday I will submit to Him all of my life. 


God loves us so much. He loves us so much he will do whatever it takes to reveal himself. Don't wait until it is too late. 

Desiring God's Will: Fearing His Response

He has set me apart for a great purpose. He has declared great plans that will not harm me. He knows my heart and my desires, but he also knows which ones line up with him and the ones that do not. He calls us to ask in prayer, seek his truth, and knock according to his will. All the prayers I pray go unanswered, all the truth I seek brings on conviction, and all the doors I knock on are left closed. Today, my heart is filled with fear, confusion, and frustration. I believe in the power of prayer, I believe in his truth, and I know doors can be opened, but when is it my turn to walk through the door(s)?

Does God give us anything we desire? No, but he will give us our desires when they first are shaped by a delight in him. To receive his promise, we must first meet the conditions attached to it: by loving Him above all else, then our desires will become what he desires for us. Our longing will be to conform our lives to his will.

Can we get anything we ask for in prayer? Life is not a blank check, and it is not without conditions. When our desires line up with his desires, when we obey and do what pleases him, then we can be sure that God will hear our prayers. Sometimes when there seems to be no answer it may actually be a delayed answer. Other times God my deny our request in order to give us something better than what we know to ask for.

SETH

There are a million good things about you and I know that are true. This is for my brother Seth.

Silly, Sensible, Sincere.
Entertaining, Epic, Excellent.
Tough.
Honest and Honorable.

You are these things plus, compassionate, caring, worthy, a gift, a great friend and brother, and most of the time selfless. You are a great person Seth and I hope you can trust God to bring you through this trial. Praying for you and I am here if you need to talk.

Have I been at school for a month?...No, only a week!

This has been one of the hardest first weeks of a semester in my life:

-Started my 3 days a week workout to strengthen my knees. One which I broke over the summer and didn't do anything about for a month.
-All of my classes are religious/Bible classes except one.
-I've had 200+ pages of reading from multiple books. Including the books of Luke, Acts, and the first 5 books of Genesis.
-Had to make an outline of Acts.
-Had to do various homework sheets with questions based off my readings.
-Looked up current events about religion and how it is impacting the worldview of Christians, and wrote summaries.
-I even looked up another article for extra credit in International Business.
-I have been taking some amazing Bible classes with great professors (Dr. Bob and Dr. Eby) and fellow students. That have challenged and inspired me through the Word God has given us.
-I got to see JJ Heller and her husband in concert and was greatly blessed.
-I have worked 3 days.
-We have received 2-3 ft of snow.
-My boyfriend and I have been talking about our future together; what it might bring and college this fall.
-It has just been so crazy busy, stressful, and wonderful! God has been challenging my heart, but it has not been too much for me to handle.


He is Good! :)